everything, it must belong somewhere

I went to the DMV today because my tags expired (technically I should have already gotten them changed since they were still my dad's tags, but now they're expired so yeah) and it was an ORDEAL
I'm sure the lady that helped me will be talking about me over dinner tonight, something like 'this guy who used to have a girl's name was in today'
I handed her my title and explained that I needed plates and she looked at my title and said 'who is Jessica' and I said 'that would be me' in a low voice and the guy at the counter next to me slowly turned his head and just staaared and he was wearing a harley davidson shirt and I was thinking please don't fag drag me please don't fag drag me

They wouldn't let me do anything because the name on my license was different than the one on my title
so I had to come back to the house and get my name change stuff and then get my name changed on the title and then get the plates
fun times.

I'm starting to get a mustache and it fills me with joy
um
I'm really fucking poor
which means I should not go drink but I tots am
although last night I just went to see Up and then came home, did laundry, and read Gone with the Wind. Very manly night, right?
I'm going back and forth on wearing shorts today. Hm.
yeah. it's so nice out. shorts and flip flops

bleem blop

having weird emotional moments that I normally associate with PMS
it's been 4 weeks since my last period and 11 days since my first shot of T.
I'm curious as to whether or not I am going to have a period this month. One of my ovaries doesn't work very well apparently, and usually I skip a month here and there anyway. I skipped March and had one in April, and now I'm wondering if I'll skip or have one or never have one again or what.
What an adventure!

I had to take a lorezapam to get to sleep last night-I'm having issues lying awake and worrying about money and graduating and finding a job etc etc etc
bloo

http://www.youtube.com/user/Thegallopingmanic

beedoodoop

everyone do the what the hell am I going to do with the rest of my life dance
bloop

It's an odd position to be in when you're surrounded by people but you feel completely alone. I have allies, I have trans friends who have gone through it themselves, I have people who are trying to switch pronouns, but ultimately this journey is my own.
I got stupid drunk last night and punched a wall apparently. If there were no previously existing history of these kind of actions it might be worrisome, but this is a standard practice at 50 Morris.
I'm scared that by making the decision to take testosterone I've alienated my parents forever. I'm scared that I'm never going to find someone who will love me
relatedly, I'm pretty tired of this crush that's dominating my daydreams.

that's it.